May 23, 2008

Please learn to love.

A few years ago, I saw a Native man, sniffed up, using drugs, looking very tough with a knife in his pocket. He shouted at me, “I’m a tough bastard ... so give me money.”

He looked very tough, so much so, that White people ran to hide from such a terrifying Indian man. I said to him, “Listen, shut up and talk to me first. I’m here because I care and no bullshit with me.” He looked at me and smiled. He answered, slurring his words, “ I was just joking you know, no BS.”

The man shared his stories and his life with me for three weeks. I said to him, “Listen, no drugs no more, if you love me. No BS or out the door!”

He said to me, “I miss you so much, God damnit, because I know you love me!”

And I said, “If you truly love me like you say, change your life because I love you, son ... I’m not sorry for you ... I just love you.”

Two weeks later, he started stealing. I remember he stole a coat from a woman because he said he loved me. He brought it for me to wear. I said, “I’m a man not a woman. Now take it back!” He answered, “God damnit I love you!” I told him to go and change his life because I really loved him.

A few weeks after, I opened the door and laughed. He had taken a red carpet from the restaurant across the street and had put it in front of my door, reaching out into the street, like for royalty. He was hiding behind the building to see my reaction. I told him sternly to take it back and that he must change his life. “GD,” he said, “I love you!” Then he said, “You’re always mad at me.”

That night I let him sleep here. While he was sleeping, I washed all his clothes. When he saw that, he cried because I had told him, “I just love you my son.” Soon after, a priest saw him and was shocked to see him clean. That priest came to see me and couldn’t believe that Perry was clean. The priest assured me he knew exactly how to treat the Native people and win them over. I continued with Perry and he knew that I loved him. I realized that he could still make mistakes but he realized that I loved him. I remember that a police chief came to see him here. They didn’t know what to do with him anymore and said they would like to keep sending him here for help. At that time, the police had been in contact with American authorities to find out what to do with such people. They told me that they had tried an experiment with street people for three weeks, which involved confining everyone, all together. But it didn’t work at all.

“We don’t know what to do any more, but now this guy seems happy with you, so we want to keep sending him here. Look after him any way you want to,” the police said to me. No money came my way to do this, either.

Perry slept outside in a cemetery. I was surprised that he would sleep there.

“Why do you do this now?” I asked.

He told me, “I feel lonely for the people who lost their lives because no one is here to love them.” And he started to cry. He looked at me and said, “Roger, swear to me that one day Indian people will be happy like you. Swear to me to continue. I know we make mistakes. But swear to me to never stop because I know you love me.

I said, “Listen, you know that I love you. That’s why I am here. There’s no money in it for me. But you have to become happy because someone loves you. One day you will be arrested again and you will be in prison many years. I feel sorry for you. But don’t forget that I love you.”

Before being arrested, Perry had been in a car accident and a lawyer gave him a lot of money in the settlement. The lawyer had decided to give him only a little money at a time, which was a good decision for Perry. However, the lawyer gave Perry’s money away to his own friends.

I knew that Perry would be free again one day but the next time, he would really change his life and I would still love him, always.

As a matter of fact, Perry wrote two weeks ago. I didn’t answer him back right away. I always loved him, but he must learn to respect others. It’s important for him also to feel some loneliness. Soon I will write to him so that he can learn again how I love him. Last night, the Spirit taught me beautiful things. I asked It to guide me and tell me why how to understand why people keep going backwards. The Spirit guided me to learn something that is fascinating. Today, this happens to all Indian people, and Perry, who realize that in a day it is more important to always love your best friend. Perry and his friends prefer to sleep outside rather than change their lives and forget their friends.

He said, “When I am lonely, you are always with me at 3 a.m. I want to keep my friends and not change my life. Then my friends will be gone. But they were always outside with me. Unless everyone changes all together, I won’t do it.”

I remember, I saw some changes happening, but then, bang everything went down again...you realized they truly loved their friends, so they gave up what didn’t make them happy. There was no more party with all his friends. He felt that he had lost all that. He wanted his friends back because he loved them.

“We are close, honest and free. We respect out best friends, even though they are on drugs. They are truly honest with me. They are there for me all the time,” he said.

There is another little story about a beautiful young woman. She tried to love many people. I felt happy for her. There were no drugs or alcohol. And then, I realized she was gone. I wondered what the hell had happened to her. “She had children, school ... what the hell has happened?” I thought. Later, I saw her and she was on drugs. I asked her what had happened...she had done so well. Now, there were drugs, parties.

“What happened? I thought you were happy?”

“Roger, I feel like a bad person. Before they always loved me, my friends ... now I’ve changed my life. I have no friends. Now I feel like a hypocrite. My friends and I were always there to hold each other. I see that my friends look terrible but I feel awful for them. I prefer to die with them rather than dump them because I have changed my life. Only then will I feel good. “

Isn’t this fascinating that friends can love each other so much?

Two weeks ago, I saw her and she said, “My friend wants to see you and change her life with me.” Now I understand that her changes were good for her and the friend she loves.

“You tell your friend to come because she will be happy here. That’s when more people will come and change instead of thinking that it’s impossible for Indian people to change.”

Indian people, I’m proud of you. You know how much I love you. Congratulations. Tell all your friends to come and see me. I learn a lot from you. Come see me ... I love you.

Roger