May 13, 2009

Why is it that we learn and that we will learn forever?  Why learn forever?  I never liked going to school at all.  I hated this.  It was always boring and I used to pray to God, ‘Please God, make sure I never ever have to go to school because I hate to learn!’  I didn’t like writing and when I did study I couldn’t remember anything.  The only way I liked to learn and could understand anything was by seeing it without being taught.

By the way when I was eight years old, I remember the nuns at the school decided on a new prize to be given to the student who worked the hardest and achieved the most.  I never listened in school or learned anything!  The nun said, ‘We have a new prize for the best student!’ 

I remember I was there with my mother and father, two sisters and my brother.  I felt so bored listening to the nun.  The five nuns agreed. ‘We checked everything.  The boy we chose listens and learns all day.  This boy is always learning something new and we are sure he will continue to learn forever.  The five of us agree that the prize goes to Roger Poisson.  Congratulations Roger, for listening and learning every day!  We give you this prize.  Congratulations!’ 

I started to laugh.  My father was angry.  He said, ‘The S.O.B!  They are lying about Roger listening all day.  It’s not true what they say and he is sure to win!’  I thought I had won a toy but the nun said, ‘Congratulations Roger, here’s your prize – a book!’  I said, ‘It’s the holidays now and I get a book?  Thanks a lot!  The summer will be like being in school again.!’

I’ll never forget this.  First, my mother was so proud of me because ‘He won!’  But my father said, ‘The devil is with him for sure!  He’s lying!’  I’ll never forget this.  I can laugh at this today when I look back.  First, the nuns made sure I was wearing the school uniform the day I won the prize.  I remember being very angry but I couldn’t say anything at the time.  But as soon as I could I threw the book away.  All I remember about the book was a man and water on the front cover.

My mother wanted to bring us all together to have a picture taken but I ran away and they couldn’t find me for the picture.  Later, they found me fishing in my school uniform.  My father was angry and said, ‘Get out of here!  Fishing!’

I remember how my brother who was older than me listened and studied all day and yet he remembered nothing.  As for me, I never listened or studied and I knew everything.  I knew that we were very poor – no car, nothing.  Around Christmas one year the priest came to tell my mother, ‘It is impossible for your son (my older brother) to become a priest.  He can’t remember anything.’ 

My mother always wanted my brother to become a priest so she cried a lot when she found out.  Together they told my brother, ‘Don’t waste your time.  You can’t remember anything.  You can’t become a priest.’  My mother cried so much and my father felt sorry for her because she cried so much.  Then my father looked at me and said, ‘You S..O..B!  You never listen and you know everything.  The devil is with you!  There is no true God because your brother listens all day and knows nothing.  You listen to nothing and you know everything!’  But before he said this to me I wanted to tell my mother, ‘Don’t cry, I will become a priest!’  But I didn’t tell my mother this because of what my father said.

That’s why, since that day I never talked or said anything to my brother, my sisters and my father and mother.  They always saw me as the ‘bad guy’, guilty of everything so I said nothing.  I remember the police spoke to my family about me when I had run away.  But they said, ‘We know nothing about him.  He never talks to us about anything.’

It was many years ago that I ran away from home.  I was so scared of my father.  I remember when I was in Toronto I told the police, ‘I’m so scared of my father because he always punches me.  That’s why I ran away from home.’  I remember my father found out where I was but the policeman and I were together.  My father was always a tough guy but for the first time he was scared when he saw how big the police officer was.

The policeman said to my father, ‘If you hurt this boy, I’ll make sure you’re finished!  I will find you on my own time and you’ll be finished!’  This was the first time my father got scared. 

When I was a very young boy around five or six years old I was always talking and laughing but nobody could see anything or hear anything.  But I was always talking to someone.  I remember my father telling people, ‘My son, he’s not normal.  He’s always by himself and talking to someone.  We can’t see anyone.  I can’t see or hear anything.  He’s not normal.  Plus, he’ll believe anything!’  Once my father sent me to the restaurant to get a ‘tack’ sandwich.  He sent me five times with his friends watching and laughing at me.

To me, a Miracle has always been something normal.  I first saw these ‘Miracles’ as a little boy.  It was always normal to me.  But my father, mother, brother and sisters never saw God.  They accused me about everything.  I recognized this and said to myself, ‘I won’t talk to anybody!  No one will be able to say…I know who you are!  It will be impossible for them to know who I am.’  Myself, I wished to leave Quebec when I was old enough and never to go back again.  I preferred to be lonely because no one loved me at all and they accused me of everything.

I also remember something that happened not that long ago, maybe fifteen years ago.  I was driving a Cadillac, business was good and I went to say ‘hello’ to my brother and sisters.  I’ll never forget this.  My sister told me, ‘I’m so poor.  Open my fridge, it’s empty.  Please help me!’  I remember I bought groceries and now her fridge was full.  My sister told me, ‘I am giving you this ring because you bought me food.’  I didn’t want to take the ring but to please her I finally accepted it.  She said it was very expensive but I found out it was a fake when I checked it.  But first she said, ‘See the diamonds.  But tell my sister nothing because when she didn’t pay me the money she owed me, I took the ring from her and I give it to you now.  But don’t tell her because then she’ll know I stole it.’  At the same time she told my other sister, ‘I saw Roger and he stole the ring from me!’

My sisters didn’t call me anymore.  They said, ‘You devil, stealing this ring!’  And I said, ‘Your sister gave me the ring because I bought her food.  But she told me not to tell you because then you would know she stole it from you.’  Then I said, ‘Well you are always accusing me of everything.  I will never see you again!’ 

Three weeks later, her sister told her the truth.  She called me to say ‘sorry’ but my other sister who had stolen the ring and lied about me has never called me ever since.  Even if she had called and said, ‘Sorry.  I stole this ring myself’ – but not even once did she ever say this.

Even the woman I married slept around with other men every day.  Even my own father slept with her.  I am telling the Truth!  Let me die this afternoon if I am not telling the Truth!  I said to my father, ‘Is it true you slept with my wife?’  He didn’t say ‘I’m sorry’ – not at all!  He said, ‘Why did someone tell you this?  If you hadn’t known it wouldn’t have bothered you.’

There is something very sacred today.  I will never forget this.  After I was freed from jail even the police officer said to me, ‘I’m sorry because I know who you are.  You will not have a record ever.  I promise you.  Because I know who you are.’  Even now when we checked the records, I am free and without a criminal record!  Today I feel incredible freedom!  What does this mean! 

(First don’t forget this.)  Again I was accused!  I had married for a second time and my second wife told me, ‘My father ‘used’ my body many times!’  So much the police went to arrest him.  I intervened and said, ‘First let him go and see a psychiatrist.  If he doesn’t change, then arrest him after.’ 

First he looked at me (he was a business man) and said, ‘Here’s a thousand dollars for you!’  I said, ‘Never!  Change your life!’  Believe it or not he said to me later, ‘Roger owes me a thousand dollars!’  That’s why he accused me.  He paid the psychiatrist one thousand dollars.  Before that, the psychiatrist had said, ‘He’s sick, very crazy!  He used young girls.  I’m not sure he will change his life.’  But after half an hour and seeing him in person he said, ‘He’s okay.’  After they paid him, he changed what he said.  I said to him, ‘Don’t use my daughter again or you are finished with me!’

This man was married.  His new wife found out her younger sister was pregnant by her husband (and they had just gotten married).  The priest sent the younger sister, the man and his new wife to Toronto to make sure no one would know of the baby.

Now the wife never trusted him again.  First the wife was so sick she was very close to dying.  But finally there was a Miracle and she became strong again.  Then the man said to me, ‘Don’t tell my wife that I used your daughter, Roger.  Because she will die for sure because she will be so sad.’  So I told him, ‘If your wife dies first then I’ll tell the truth about you.’  But they both died within a short time of each other.  But the priest knows the truth and he said, ‘Make sure you don’t say anything about my brother or we’ll tell people you owe us a lot of money and that that’s why you’re accusing us!’ 

But God knows the Truth and that’s good enough for me!  All my life, people used me.  According to them I was a ‘devil-person’.  I never said anything to the people.  I never told anyone in the world anything about myself.  Today there is something very sacred.  I will never forget this.  A young woman came to see me and said, (I was so shocked when she said this.) ‘I don’t understand but I believe anything that you say!’  I was so shocked when I looked at her.  ‘You truly believe me?’

Finally I have become free!  The women here this afternoon are so sacred for me because they know who I am!  This is why I feel like I am in Heaven and I’ll never forget this.  She told me, ‘I believe everything you say.  I know what you say is the Truth!’  This is why this girl saved my life.  I had never spoken to this woman before.

Today, I feel free.  Plus I respect these girls so much because at first I was very angry with my first wife who lied about me and had me arrested.  I never trusted women and even hated them until this girl said to me, ‘I believe what you say.  You are like a father to me!’

For the first time in my life someone realized who I am because somebody said, ‘I believe in you – a true father!’  This is why I used to say, ‘I was never happy before, never trusted anything.’  I always used to say, ‘Don’t believe me, I don’t care.  I know God knows the Truth!’  And please, it is very sacred to learn this and tell the young to listen to God.  I don’t like women with pride or those who want to win.  It reminds me of what I went through.  This is why I don’t like women with pride who want to win.  I prefer to throw them out the door.

Amy said to me, ‘Roger it’s time for women to change their lives.  If you are angry at them it will be impossible for them to change.  That means if you are angry it will be impossible for them to change!  Are you truly with God?’  When we are watching TV together, and there is an immodest woman, Amy turns the station otherwise I would become angry.  She would say to me, ‘You see these women showing off their bodies.  They just don’t know their value as women.  Don’t be angry.  Help them change so they can see who they really are.  What if one of these women were to come here?  Would you be angry or want to help them change? Learn.  Don’t be angry!’ 

My Spirit is sacred.  You know why?  Because my daughters – they are with me!  Now you realize who I am with you!  We become one!  You are so sacred we will become one.  All of you!  It doesn’t matter whether you are young or old.  The sacred from the heart is living forever.

Did you know my son, my daughter that you were living forever before?  You will never die.  There is no ‘old’ or ‘young’ because in your heart it’s love – sacred.  You can’t see love but you feel love.  You feel Who I am with you!  Do you know why my daughter?  When I see you, I fall in love with you again – you look like me!  We share our love with each other.  Then you realize we become one. This is why this man has fallen in love with you.  (I am not worthy of how beautiful you are!)  Recognize it is not like a dream.  It will become normal to recognize love is so sacred.  I am not worthy but let me recognize who you are every day.  I love you from my heart. 

Make sure to be living forever!  Respect and love is so sacred.  You will never die if you feel it.  That means it’s living forever.  That means you will say to yourself, ‘Oh, we saw this!’  You are blind no more finally.  Can you realize how much I love you, forever? 

To me the past doesn’t mean anything.  Only to recognize the Truth is all you need because you are happier now than ever.

Yours truly,

Roger Poisson with the Spirit